As we lie in bed we slip into the slipstream of our thoughts. A bottomless hole opens up beneath us and before we know it we are falling down. Our bodies are spinning and as we try to orient ourselves we discover we are all alone. There is no more we, just I.

I keep falling downwards, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. If I stretch out my arms to try and find something to hold on to there is nothing. The hole became infinitely large and it is black down here.

There is no meaning, no reason to anything. Just my infinitely spiraling thoughts that try to grasp sense but find none.

As I fall I remember my daily life.

             Wake up.

Coffee.

                    Walk dogs.

      Tend to the home.

 Work.

                                 Prepare food.

          Eat food.

                       Work out.

The order of things is all scrambled, the list is incomplete.

I find my breath and it is shallow and quick.

I feel my muscles and they are invisibly tense.

What am I doing and why am I here?

Breath.

Heartbeat.

Suddenly...

...a spark. I see it, far away. I cannot tell if it is in the darkness outside of myself or if it is inside.

I have become one with everything and it does not matter where the spark is coming from.

It is there.

I fly closer to it and as it grows in my perception it becomes a shimmering star.

My breath deepens, my heart becomes steady, my muscles relax.

I reach out to the star and as it touches my hand its light moves until it lights up my entire body.

I cannot help but smile. I understand now.

And there.. or here.. we are again, lying in bed. Not alone.

Soft velvet sleep slips around me and I join you in the land of dreams, happy that life makes sense.

Credits: Text and photo by Pipaluk. Photo made with an Instax Mini camera.