I did a spell the other day where I melted the ice in my heart. The next day when I looked at my heart I discovered it had turned into a waterfall of three. The day after that a clear spring was at the base of the waterfalls. A few days later I found within it the most beautiful white light. I then decided to step into those clear waters and float on my back, letting it carry me and release all my tension. I could not stop smiling as I sat there in the dark of the living room, floating in the light.

Her honey sweet voice comes through my laptop. It is like music to my ears when Rachel speaks. She asks me if I have an altar. I have had many and some spaces in my home are altars, but with construction the only altar I have is all wrapped up. Outside! I should build an altar outside. The voice made of roses surrounded by honey bees tells me that is a great idea. Beautiful, she says.

Within two days I find a wooden table. Rustic as it is, the table is a slab of wood set on the base of a tree with the bark removed. I find the grey heart I got for the birth of my baby. I had emptied it and cleaned it a while back knowing I would use it for something someday. There's also an old an unused silver candle. With red candle paint I mark it with a spiraling thread from the wick all the way to its base. This is the red thread of my life. Everything feels more serious now.

For weeks I go outside each day before I fall between the sheets of my bed. I fill the heart with water and with small treasures from nature. I carry the candle out and light it while I ponder the red thread and dream into the next step. I light loose incense in a sea shell made of local mugwort and sage mixed with pine resin I collected in the nearby forest. I watch the moon and the stars and the bear in the sky when I can see them.

The snow comes and covers the altar. The water freezes. Rocks that came with me from the forest sit in nooks and crannies of the wild base of the table. I look and realize, my heart is still frozen in places.

After days I decide that when the ice becomes water again, so will the ice in my heart have melted. The morning that it melts is the morning that I meet a shaman. She is local and has traveled the world. She forged her own path where few have dared. Great shaman elders of the world recognize her as one of their own. I am intrigued after reading her books.

The meeting with her is many things and I am reminded and taught, I am you, you are me, I am that, that is me. I am both lifted up and humbled. To be with someone so at peace with themselves. To sit with someone who is kind beyond reason. Everything feels more urgent now. This passage from head to heart must be traversed. How can we help each other do that?

It is on this day that I find the waterfalls in my heart.

And yes, you can find the spell inside the Book of Magic, though I hope you write your own.

Photo taken by Pipaluk with an iPhone. The heart crackled and broke from ice and rain before she could take one with the Instax. Now she will need to find a new one. She’s considering making one herself and painting it red. It feels poetic and magical.